Don't Worry... Be Happy :)

     Last night a friend and I were talking about one’s dignity after a mutual friend urinated on a public building. He claimed that it was an emergency, but I could not comprehend how an adult could bring himself to urinate on a building instead of waiting to find a restroom. My friend asked whether I would have rather our mutual friend peed his pants than simply go in an alley. I decided that if it came down to it, I guess I would find an alleyway…whether I had to pop a squat or empty a bag. Mutual friend had claimed that emptying my bag would be completely different. I saw the difference, but it was not the difference he pointed out. He believed that urine was very different from feces (and I agree it is), but the main difference I saw was that a young person can generally control their bladder; I cannot control how much output comes from my stoma or when it comes. I attempt to control it with medications, but sometimes I realize that it is completely full and I need a bathroom immediately. I almost feel like it is more acceptable, in an emergency situation, to empty my bag in an alley than to urinate…despite the fact that feces is very different from urine.

     This is all just background, however. My friend said that it would be more dignified to urinate in an alley than pee one’s pants. I agreed. I, however, equated it with defecating oneself. I told him “Try shitting yourself in the middle of an exam and then we can discuss dignity.” (Yes, shitting oneself is something that many Crohn’s patients have to deal with…as well as many others with digestive diseases. People joke about it. Guess what? It’s not funny)

     While having an ileostomy is not necessarily ideal, I do enjoy the fact that I do not have to worry about having a “JC Penney Incident” (so called because a friend once had an accident at a JC Penney’s when she was younger) again…well, unless my bag leaks. But technically, one less thing to worry about.

     I have had some recent worries, however. I was worried about getting pregnant. I told my mom a few days ago, “Good news! I can still get pregnant if I want!” She stared at me blankly, as if it was not that big of a discovery. She wasn’t worried, apparently. “I have pieces of intestine protruding from my stomach. My stomach, which will grow if I get pregnant…. Don’t you see the issue?” …She didn’t. From what I read, pregnancies in women with stomas are normal and usually have no complications. I just may need to change the type of appliances I use and there is a possibility that my stoma could get messed up, but it’s fixable. I’m not saying I want to have babies, but it’s nice to know that I don’t have to worry if I decide I desire a child.

     I was worried about getting a massage: with intestines sticking out, I can’t really lay on my stomach. My amazing grandmother paid for me to get a massage a few days ago, however, and there was nothing to worry about. I simply laid on my back as the massage therapist put her hands underneath me and then I laid on my side. (It was wonderful, by the way)

     I’ve been dealing with some issues at school due to my absence. I have to pay for my apartment, but need to take out another loan to do so (the loan I was getting through the government to pay for my rent was no longer available because I was no longer a registered student). My class schedule is all messed up too. I am working to fix these issues, but they still have me worrying. I was telling my surgeon, who got very angry and told me that if anyone gave me any trouble regarding my health issues to give him their names and he’d take care of it. That man is fantastic…

     There are numerous other worries: what if my bags leak while I’m out in public? What if I don’t have the supplies to fix it? What if I eat something that blocks my intestines? How do I go swimming? What about bikinis? What if more of my intestines become diseased?

     I’ve come to realize that these thoughts aren’t worth mulling over. I have too many other things to do. While I am not attending school currently, I am volunteering at the local middle school tutoring children and spending time with my amazing brother. I am blogging and working on finding summer internships. I have a meeting with attorneys at the Department of Health, who are currently working mainly with LGBT individuals, especially those affected by AIDS. As I am interested in gender law, I am greatly looking forward to this opportunity. I am also very excited to spend the whole summer in Buffalo with my BuffaLove family. 

My family, friends, and I are planning on walking to raise money for Crohn's and Colitis at the Talk Steps Walk (sponsored by the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America) in Buffalo on May 21. We walked last year (well, my brother decided to run it instead and had to wait for everyone else to finish) in Rochester and it was fantastic. Not only did we raise a lot of money for research, we had a lot of fun. It was a friendly atmosphere (unlike some of the other runs/walks I have been to to raise money for other things) and there is free entertainment and food after the walk. My sister and I even came up with a slogan and made t-shirts last year. (Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but Crohn's will never stop you) If anyone is interested in donating or walking with us, Click Here :) Let me know if you have any questions.

    Life is full of too much happiness to worry about things that prove to be silly, so Don't Worry...Be Happy.