Here I sit in my horribly uncomfortable hospital bed with an unintentionally rude neighbor on the other side of a floral-print curtain. I hear her television perfectly. All she watches is Fox News. I feel much more educated about current events, but she never turns the television off. Ever. She also snores. Sharing a hospital room does have its perks. It gives me stories to share with people. I love telling stories and like to think that I am pretty good at it.
For example, upon my arrival to my room early Thursday morning after spending all night in the emergency room, I got to experience my roommate trying to order food and watch television. First, she tried using the remote to call hospital room service. Her family also helped her. They could not figure out why it wasn't ringing through. I wanted so badly to yell through the ugly curtain that the phone is located in a bin on the wall behind her bed, but I couldn't stop chuckling to myself. Karma is a bitch, however...laughing makes everything hurt. Once the nurse came in and explained the difference between the remote and the telephone, my neighbor decided that she wanted to watch television. They turned it on and the screen explaining how to set up television service appeared. My neighbor and her grandson did not wait long enough to get the directions in English and only saw the Spanish instructions. Complaining that they did not speak Spanish, they started flipping through channels only seeing static. Her grandson suggested that they would have to get her a new television because hers was clearly broken. Again, I wanted to say something, but didn't. The nurse finally came in and explained that the hospital charges to watch television and you have to activate the service. We have been watching Fox News ever since then.
Don't get me wrong, my neighbor is a sweet lady, but you need some source of entertainment when you're sitting in a hospital bed for days on end. She is sweet, but annoyed me quite a bit last night. I know she didn't mean to, but she created quite a hassle for me when I woke up having to pee urgently. I rolled out of bed, unplugged my IV pole that probably weights more than I do, and made my way to our bathroom. My pee hat (don't ask me why they call it that) was in the toilet, but was empty. I knew she had used it on accident, even though they are labeled clearly. I know she used it because there was feces on it. Who doesn't poop? I don't. Well, I haven't normally since I had an ileostomy in December. Crossing my legs, I got back to bed to ring my nurse. Luckily, she came quickly and got me a new hat which she labeled with my name in about six different spots. It didn't work, however. Later in the morning I heard my neighbor's nurse tell her to wait because, "That wasn't her hat." My neighbor is going home this afternoon and I wish her the best. :)
Why am I in the hospital anyways? I will explain the whole ordeal in much more depth in a later post. In a nutshell, I have Crohn's Disease. I was diagnosed when I was ten and was doing pretty well until the past few years. Medications stopped working and my only real choice to living a happy life was surgery. I went into the hospital immediately after my 1L first semester final exams and had an ileostomy. Basically, the surgeon (who has followed me since I was about sixteen and loves me dearly) removed my colon. He also removed my gallbladder because I had gallstones and my appendix because it is attached to the colon. Because the colon is gone, I cannot have bowel movements like a normal person, so a part of my small intestine was pulled out of my body to create a stoma on my stomach. This one-inch, circular piece of intestine is where I excrete waste from, into a bag. It sounds gross, but it really isn't. Promise. Everyone poops. I just do it differently now. I ended up spending 46 days in the hospital due to complications. (Again, more on this later). I finally went home after spending my birthday, Christmas, and New Years in the hospital.
A week later I went in for my post-op appointment. My surgeon told me I could really eat anything I wanted. I was under the impression that I needed to avoid foods high in fiber because they are difficult to digest. I went with what he said, however, and had bean soup for dinner Tuesday night. Wednesday I didn't feel well, but everyone had a stomach flu, so I shrugged it off. I started vomiting and having horrible cramps. My mom was convinced it was just the flu. Finally, Wednesday night we called the colorectal surgeon on call and ended up in the ER. I had blocked my intestines with bean soup. The pain was my intestines trying to work the food through my system. I was given lots of pain killers and anti-nausea medications. Thursday evening I passed the blockage. I know this because I watched about a cup of whole beans emerge from my stoma. Yes, it was sort of gross. It was also fascinating and relieving.
I am doing alright currently and have plans on being released tomorrow. My surgeon made me promise not to eat bean soup again. Beans may be magical. Magically painful for those without the ability to digest them...
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